I’m my own Worst Enemy – Part One

Some times I suspect that I’m secretly plotting against me to destroy myself. I regularly sabotage projects that I’m working on, break things that belong to me or I’ll forget what the hell I was doing in the first place. I even trick myself into forgetting to eat sometimes and if it wasn’t for my wife I would have probably wasted away by now.

I imagine the evil me is like the evil Spock, the same but with a goatee. Then again, I already have a goatee. Maybe then it's me without a goatee. Well, I don't have a full goatee, it's more like half a goatee on my chin. So I guess it's like Spock with a mustache? Ah, forget it.

Example – Being the good nerd that I am I downloaded the release candidate of Windows 7 to install on my computer. (I build my own computers and I’ve managed to sabotage myself there too, but that’s another story.) I back up all my important files, burn the ISO file to a disc using Nero and I install the operating system.

When the installation is completing and the time comes to enter my activation key I type it in and get a, “this is not a valid key lol” message. The hell? I type it in again and it’s a no-go. Well crap. Grumbling under my breath I go over to my wife’s computer and start downloading a Windows 7 ISO file and I get a new key for it. (At this point I am thinking that the key-code is directly linked to the specific file you downloaded, which was wrong as I would find out later.)

I install a new program on my wife’s PC do I can burn the damn file again and I get up to grab a blank DVD off my desk. I forgot that I’d just opened the DVD drive and I kick the tray you put the disc in and I broke it. I broke it really good. (Because hay, if you’re going to break something you might as well do the job right.) Now it's a cup holder sticking out of her computer.

At this point I’m a little upset. I’m under the belief that the install key-code is directly linked to the ISO file that I need to burn, and now the DVD burner is out of commission so I'm screwed. It's possible to install Win 7 off a flash drive but I don’t have one that’s big enough to hold all the data. So now I’m getting ready to reinstall Windows XP on my computer, re-download Windows 7 and reinstall all the crap I need to burn it to a disc when I get the bright idea of trying to use the other code I got off my wife’s computer.

Of course it works and if I’d done that in the first place I could have saved myself hours of time not to mention the time and money it will take to get a new DVD drive for my wife and to install it. Oh, and speaking of my wife she's forbade me from working on her computer until after finals are over because she’s afraid I’ll break something else and cause the thing to burst into flames or something along those lines.

Everything I touch I destroy.

The next morning I wake up and like each morning I take my good old 150mg Wellbutrin tablet and I put another in my pocket. That’s what I was supposed to do anyway. Instead I took one and then stuck the other one in my mouth; just barely managing to catch myself before I could swallow it. Close call! Thinking about how scatterbrained I can be sometimes I throw it away, get another tab out of the bottle and what do I do? I promptly swallow the damn thing.

I’m trying to poison myself. "See kids? It's a happy pill so eat the whole bottle! NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!"

I figure I can handle the high dosage but I’d really rather not risk it so I try to induce vomiting but all I can throw up is water. Oh, I should mention that now I 'm running late for work. I drink a glass of salt water as an ipecac but it doesn’t help, so now I’m speeding to work with a belly full of saltwater and buzzing away on 300mg’s of a strong anti-depressive and life it just peachy. At work I felt like I had just drank a pot of espresso and I was wired until 1030 when the effects began to wear off, not to mention the fact that I was dehydrated from the glass of salt water I drank and I felt like crap.

I must be stopped before I can do any more damage. I'm my own worst enemy.